3 Minute Management Lessons about Credit, Turkey, your Job & your Boss

From: AGENT M
Sent: Monday, January 29, 2007 11:32 AM
Subject: 3 Minute Management Lessons about Credit, Turkey, your Job & your Boss

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes
me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull,
"they're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Aussie Love Story

From: AGENT M 

Sent: Monday, April 26, 2010 9:37 AM
Subject: Aussie Love Story

A TRUE AUSSIE LOVE STORY...   About eight years ago a wild Australian Sulphur Crested Cockatoo flew into a car and broke its wing.  The motorist took it to the Vet in Nerang , Queensland , who had to amputate     the wing.  We adopted her - for which we needed a National Parks and Wildlife permit - and kept her in a cage outside where she was often visited by wild Cockatoos. One of the things that impressed us was how she would push lettuce leaves through the bars of the cage, offering food to visitors. Last Sunday she again had a visitor.

How do Italians tell the time?

How do you say, "It's 4 pm"  in Italian? Watch the video and enjoy!

From: Agent M
Sent: Monday, September 25, 2006 5:04 PM
Subject: How do Italians tell time?

The truth about cats and dogs

Something worthsharing.. we might learn something from this.

From: Agent D


Sent: Wednesday, October 14, 2009 8:30 PM

Subject: The Truth about cats and dogs

How To Cope With Work

I know, it's been a while since my last post. Not that I'm not receiving any new mails, in fact I'm getting a lot of mails. It's just I'm tied with my work. Not that I'm complaining, but a guy needs some break. Anyway, to make the matter worst, my internet connection brokedown. So more than half a month, my cyberlife is dead. (as if I have one.) Okay, enough of my complains, time to laugh and feel good. And what more appropriate than posting an email that tackles about work stress. So read on, have fun and let the 'pussy' show you the phases of work related stress. Of course, this email is brought to you by Agent M.

From: Agent M
Sent: Monday, July 28, 2008 9:02 AM
Subject: How To Cope With Work

Phase 1


[image credit: b3ta.hnldesign.nl]

You are listening to Stevie Wonder
(Your first day at work and all is fine and great)




Phase 2


[image credit: b3ta.hnldesign.nl]

You are listening to HOUSE music
(After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you coming or going anymore)




Phase 3

<
[image credit: b3ta.hnldesign.nl]

You are listening to Metal
(This is what you feel like at month end)



Phase 4


[image credit: b3ta.hnldesign.nl]

You are listening to Hip Hop
(You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation)




Phase 5


[image credit: b3ta.hnldesign.nl]

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP
(After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a "good hair day" feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine !!)







And Finally
Phase 6 kicks in



[image credit: b3ta.hnldesign.nl]

You are listening to Techno (on Ecstasy)
The truth - (how all employees end up eventually.... ha ha ha)

WTF!

I can't think of anything to post for wednesday, so I open my mailbox, click on advance search and look for any email that is related to "Wednesday". As expected, most if not all emails that will show are those received on wednesday, right? Not exactly, I received this email from Agent Jatujak on Friday. After reviewing the email, I can't help say the title of this blog. I bet you'll say the same thing, WTF! =)

[NOTE: Click Read More to see the full message. But remember doing that means you agree that you're old enough to check it.]