Work Quotes

A corporate slave? Trying to look for inspiration and moral booster? Here's  a list of few quotation that you can use to boost your day or even as quotation to start your presentation.

_____________________________________________
From: Agent M
Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 4:14 PM
Subject: Funny Work Quotes


Business Acumen:

Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on - This person must be fired.

Work Ethics:

HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?


Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.


Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.


The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.


If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.


Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.


If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.


Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.


The harder I work the luckier I get.


I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.


Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Quality:

Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.

Training:

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Social Skills:

I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.


I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.


Working gets in the way of living.


Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?

Time Management:

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.


No project was ever completed on time and within budget.


Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.


I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.


If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.


People are always available for work in the past tense.

Attitude:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.


Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.


I didn't have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.


One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Compensation:

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.


I make a lot of money, but I don't want to talk about that. I work very hard and I'm worth every cent.


People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

Out of the Office

Leaving for a long vacation? Worried about unanswered email? Or tired of your conventional, unappealing out of the office notification? (Oh no, this is not home tv shopping.) Never fret, here are some straight-to-the-point and honest yet upbeat "Out of the Office" reply. But wait, try using it within 5 minutes, I bet you'll lose your job in no time. =) And this email is brought to you by Agent M.

Out of Office Replies We Wish We Could Use Sometimes

1) I am currently away from my desk, beating my head against the wall. Your message will be replied to once I have reached a level of numbness sufficient to cloud my vision to the point I am able to formulate an appropriate response to your request.

2) I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if
I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

3) You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4) I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return on April 1st. Please be patient and your Mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5) Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6) The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection
and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

7) Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8) I've run away to join a different circus.

9) I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Martha' instead of Marvin.